Hedonism Colosseum

by Astro Cowboy

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1.
02:21
2.
01:57
3.
03:52
4.
03:12
5.
05:18
6.
7.
04:45
8.
03:28
9.
04:18
10.

about

Remember when you thought that high school was going to last forever? When you thought that it was the apex of real? Every relationship, decision, and action you made, you thought was going to remain relevant and important for the rest of your life? This album is the result of those feelings: the astounding naivety of someone who had no concept of a future in the "real" world yet. Someone who had almost grown up, but hadn't. Inserting adult feeling into juvenile conflict., and also taking everything for granted. This album is a celebration and masturbation of this pseudo-maturation that everyone endures during their formative high school years.

credits

released 13 July 2014

All music by Travis Harrington and Kameron Vann

All words by Travis Harrington (except "Car City"/ words by Travis Harrington and Mike Schmitt)

Engineered, Produced, Mixed, and Mastered by Holt Evans II

Cover artwork by Morgan Roberts

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Track Name: White Shoes
Waste of space I've become and stayed at.
I want you back, but unsure if that's exactly good for either of you.
We still will all wear our white shoes.

I just want to make this work, but maybe it's just too worn out.
I keep going back and forth, signaling with flags of doubt.
Wishing will not spark a change. Neither will moral delay.
Finally I feel the guilt staring at my white shoes.

How they remind me of spring time: all those nights when we would Step like Ezra told us.
Funny how things end up this way cuz I know that-

Nothing's ever gonna work.
Hopefully we'll that work.
Nothing's gonna be the same.
Believe me that I want to change.
But this change will be all in vain; like always I'm way too late.
Finally I feel the guilt staring at my white shoes.

Holding onto memories like this canvas barely clings to the rubber soles.
It's time to move on, though it's so hard without you
-out you
-out you
-out you
-out you
white shoes.
Track Name: Suntan
Oh, girls are like a suntan:
It's hard for me to get one.
But, every time I start to,
it always is a bad one.
And, oh, I get so angry.
My face is turning so red.
My skin is always peeling.
And, I'll succumb to my death.

All my friends are golden, but I'll still keep my burn.
I put on sunscreen; maybe this time I'll learn.
But this sun's just so blinding; it took so long to see-
that I'm the cancer present in these romance UV's

Oh, girls are like a beach house:
I want to get inside one.
Mess up all the sandy furniture,
and we'll have lots and lots of fun.
But, only two months of vacation is never gonna be enough.
I gotta fuck out all my feelings, so I can keep on acting tough.

All my friends are golden, but I'll still keep my burn.
I put on sunscreen; maybe this time I'll learn.
But this sun's just so blinding; it took so long to see-
that I'm the cancer present in these romance UV's
Track Name: Stare
A constant release, get out of my head.
Regret afterwards, clean up go downstairs.
Holding myself up my eyes turn to yours.
I'm caught in a trance, drown in my despair.

My stare turns into a lust:
"I'm just so damn lonely I could hurt myself and hurt you too."
My lust turns into an anger:
"It's not fair, I want my turn. Nice guys always finish last."
Anger into self-doubt:
"I'm too nervous, you're too pretty, and all I know is you'll reject me."

If I could, I would stare at you all day.
Your eyes are the tunnel and I am the train.
The lights are all off, nothing could spark fear.
Lying to myself, I am really afraid.

Well, vanity is so easy. What a breeze.
Caring about no one else but yourself.
I just want to care about me and you.
Ignorantly wallowing in my youth.

Oh I stare at your body.
Making some mental copies.
Don't you think I'm annoying?
Self torture I'm enjoying.

I'm so scared I stare off into deep-space.
Facilitate all my mind's star-gazing.
Why when you look at me I feel alone?
My eyes are like laser beams that are honed.

Then you start to melt.
You turn into ash.
Nothing ever lasts.
You are open flames.
I am ice sickles.
Track Name: Inhale
Funny, looking back on all the time we've spent
I know how you must feel regret.
Straining for this effort, stringing along hope that-
someday this will be worth it.

Inhale, Inhale, Inhale, Inhale.
Remember to hate.
Exhale, Exhale, Exhale, Exhale.
Pretend you're ok.
I know that you are not.
Oh, those stolid eyes can't ever, ever, ever, ever lie to me now.

Moving on, but always back to the same mindset:
conscious of no consequence.
Part of an emotional proletariat,
your uprising has become clear.

Inhale, Inhale, Inhale, Inhale.
Remember to hate.
Exhale, Exhale, Exhale, Exhale.
Pretend you're ok.
I know that you are not.
Oh, those stolid eyes can't ever, ever, ever, ever lie to me now.

Caught you.
In my.
Force field.
You try.
To break free.
And, finally.
We're both drained.
Both done.
Both just so much more worse off.

Everybody knows you hate and we all know why,
I guess it's what I deserve.
You just think I'm so pathetic,
but at least I'm trying not to be a jerk.
Track Name: Big Blue
I fell into way too big blues,
mental guardrails failed.
And just like cinema,
I'm waiting for happy endings.
You only cared about my needs.
And, that's not fair to you.
I only cared about my needs.
I swear to god that's not true.

Me at the party having a blast.
You look so anxious, I want to ask.
But you can't form those words to tell me what is wrong.

You only cared about my needs.
Wringing you out like a towel.
Oh, whats the matter poor Audrey?
Is this not fun for you?

You're still so worried and I don't know why.
I wish all my answers could make you alright.
But I never had answers, I just had questions.

And I don't know why I did all those things to ruin this.
Me and you would always have been if always could ever be.

Its sad but it's so true.

And opposites attract, but they don't know how to stick together.
You wanna talk about how you like rainy weather?
Well I'm the one that has to bike in that shit just to see you.
And, I throw fits when I don't mean to.
I get upset and I blame myself cuz it's always gonna be my fault.
And I feel pressurized like a soda shaken up by an eight year old
trying to prank his sister, but he missed her.
It was an earnest attempt, but I exploded all on the walls.
Fell so short when I stood so tall; my mental state doesn't make much sense at all.
Made this mess, made myself, am the mess, need some help.
I said, "Hey man, I said no way. I don't want your help, I'll be ok."
I'm just so confused, but I'll sort things out.
A determined boy devoid of doubt.
Feel so bad and so upset.
Frustrated, full of regret.
But, we'll be just fine as long as I try.
Just give me lots and lots and lots of time.
Track Name: Math Class (Is a Blast)
Oh, I'm a goner, I'm a goner
once again.
Why? I'm a faker, ball up paper
I wont try.

My behavior formulaic:
a constant manipulated.
New found thrills will multiply.
Take my plans divide by time.

Oh, catch you later
all in favor of giving up.
But they, they don't mean a word.
Too afraid of hurting their chance.

All these thoughts derived from lack of effort
when you factor out the reasons you just laze about:
all about how you want out.

Math Class, Math Class is a blast.

Force out another attempt.
Teacher's upset, but no one cares.
Absent of obligation and it yields no participation.

Math Class, Math Class is a blast.

Is all of this too great a task?
I'll fail my class. I'll fail my class.
This frantic mess I swear won't last.
This soon will pass. This soon will pass.

Not unless I actually do fail.
That will knock me off societal coattails.
I'm tired of everyone wrapped up in their grades.
They aren't there for life.

Math Class, Math Class is a blast.
Track Name: Sleeptime
Face the day, it's hard to say exactly what is bugging me.
Arbitrary doubt and lethargy only increases clout.
Probably and maybe, always words that stumble from my mouth.
I just blink and wait until I find my care.

Maybe if I tried I'd probably get somewhere.
It's no surprise that I have a fickle future.
Wondering why I always hide under my sheets
drowning in sleeptime.

Everybody talks, mostly myself, but I never listen.
Caught between myself and what has been before I figure out
exactly what to do and when I've found the only honest route.
This guy is just way too hard to read.

Maybe if I tried I'd probably get somewhere.
It's no surprise that I have a fickle future.
Wondering why I always hide under my sheets
drowning in sleeptime.

I'm wide awake now, I'm wide awake now.
toward escape now, toward escape how?
I start to thinkin', I start to thinkin'
And I start to blinkin', I start to blinkin'

I finally realize.
Track Name: Shot Down
Shot down, bullets speed right into my body.
Passing through with no disrespect.
When everything you say is so honest,
how am I supposed to not feel upset?

We're over like this just newly passed year.
God that's such a long time for thought.
Expect it all to still be as unclear.
This haunting feeling never will stop, stop.

Like a Seljuk Turk in my mind, Travis calm down do your work.
It will all be just fine.
And, blame myself once more cuz you know that it's my fault.
You know me. You know me.
Well, I've learned well. Well, I've learn that:
there is, there is. There is nothing, there is nothing,
there is not anymore.

My engine is failing.
This moral machine lost to no cause.
Sputtering: the sign of an ending.
No chance of this thing getting me far.

Emergency nervous crash landing.
Sinking this low takes quite an art.
It's always worse when words are as empty
as the cavity that once held my kind heart.

Like a Seljuk Turk in my mind, Travis calm down do your work.
It will all be just fine.
And, blame myself once more cuz you know that it's my fault.
You know me. You know me.
Well, I've learned well. Well, I've learn that:
there is, there is. There is nothing, there is nothing,
there is not anymore.

Shrouded in clouds I thought I-
could fly around the truth, but-
those guns, your doubt, they found out.
And, now, I'm sure, I'm shot down.
Track Name: Car City
Squeezing, Squeezing, Squeezing, Squeezing,
squeeze the brakes.
In car city you find life always accelerates.

No time to wait.
Used to be a dinner plate.
Life will quickly conflagrate, always will.

Never at home.
Always on the road.
Staying sweaty, reading maps displayed on telephones.

It's quite a hike.
Such a speedy spite.
I have always been and always will.

Flying over the bars.
In a new perspective,
This car suddenly seems very large.

The momentum of impact won't take you very far.
Spreading your arms ajar when this pavement rips you apart.
Finding it very hard to realize where you are.
If only I had a car this wouldn't happen to me.
This is my parents fault, always blaming for things.
Asphalt inside my scrapes, life lately just seems to sting.
In all this confusion, one thing is understood;
this sudden momentum still won't take me very far.

I'll race with my shadow to pass time.
The journey always makes things worth it.

I'll be right there, but first you must take me.
I'll always be right here, but first you will.
Track Name: Goodbye, A.E.G.
Now that things have crumbled we can't see eye to eye.
Both trapped in this rubble, but I still thought that I-
could dig us both out, and maybe I would have.
But, I was too careless even on my second chance.

And, although deserving, it's still so hard to watch-
as you fall from my side. You will always be right.
This course is one failing, I have run out of time.
You will be the one thing I'll miss for the rest of my life.

Think long, think hard, think all I've done: my crimes.
Think long, think hard, think all those times I lied.
I'm not ready for this life, I'm not ready for this life,
I'm not ready for this life yet.

Well now, what did I expect to have when I just wouldn't change?
And, through all everyone and everything else will never mean quite as much as you.
You were just as much a first for me as I will be a first for you.
Truth: you will never, ever, ever, ever, ever be another.

It was on your birthday,
such a big surprise when nothing was gift wrapped
no correspondence.
I could never imagine how you must have felt.
How you shed those tears.
How you must have felt.

I hope that one day we can look back, and.