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this song dates back to 'Rat-Man Vann' days.


A constant release, get out of my head.
Regret afterwards, clean up go downstairs.
Holding myself up my eyes turn to yours.
I'm caught in a trance, drown in my despair.

My stare turns into a lust:
"I'm just so damn lonely I could hurt myself and hurt you too."
My lust turns into an anger:
"It's not fair, I want my turn. Nice guys always finish last."
Anger into self-doubt:
"I'm too nervous, you're too pretty, and all I know is you'll reject me."

If I could, I would stare at you all day.
Your eyes are the tunnel and I am the train.
The lights are all off, nothing could spark fear.
Lying to myself, I am really afraid.

Well, vanity is so easy. What a breeze.
Caring about no one else but yourself.
I just want to care about me and you.
Ignorantly wallowing in my youth.

Oh I stare at your body.
Making some mental copies.
Don't you think I'm annoying?
Self torture I'm enjoying.

I'm so scared I stare off into deep-space.
Facilitate all my mind's star-gazing.
Why when you look at me I feel alone?
My eyes are like laser beams that are honed.

Then you start to melt.
You turn into ash.
Nothing ever lasts.
You are open flames.
I am ice sickles.


from Hedonism Colosseum, released July 13, 2014



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Astro Cowboy Wilmington, North Carolina

'literature rock'




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